How to write Social Stories™

There are specific guidelines and criteria for writing Social Stories™. To learn to write them as developed and defined by Carol Gray, you have the following options:

  • Watch the DVD Writing Social Stories™ with Carol Gray
  • Attend a presentation by Carol Gray (check here for her speaking schedule)
  • Attend a presentation by a member of "Team Social Stories™" a handful of people selected and trained by Carol to teach others how to write Social Stories™  (Please contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it if you are interested in having a member speak for your conference or other event).
  • Brush up on your skills using Social Stories™ 10.0 guidelines and criteria for writing a Social Story™. (This is a downloadable pdf file available for purchase on our web site).
  • Purchase Carol Gray's newest book, The New Social Story Book: 10th Anniversary Edition, which contains Social Stories 10.1 tutorials (updated from Social Stories 10.0) and 150 sample Stories, with a CD which allows you to revise and print the Stories for your audience.
  • Learn more about using Social Stories™ in conjunction with other instructional methods--and about the research required to write a proper and effective Social Story™ using Revealing the Hidden Social Code by Marie Howley and Eileen Arnold
  • Social Stories™ DVDs (Storymovies) by Carol Gray (Click here for the titles of the Stories contained on the first volume of Storymovies)

Click here to read testimonials from people who have been using Social Stories.

Click here for information regarding Carol Gray's right to trademark.

Suggestions to get you started writing your own Stories:slide

By Laurel Falvo, Member of Team Social Stories

Anyone can write Social Stories™! This valuable tool is available to all parents, grandparents, teachers, therapists, principals, care givers, and anyone else who would like to increase the understanding of children, particularly those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). (For more information on what a Social Story™ is, click here.)

The first step to writing Social Stories™ is to become familiar with the correct process by studying the Guidelines established by Carol Gray. Those guidelines are available as a pdf dowload in Social Stories™ 10.0, available for purchase on this site as a pdf download. Carol has also produced a wonderful video workshop that gives complete details and information that will help anyone write a Social Story™. This workshop can be viewed at home, at a school teacher in-service, or at a parent support group.

Once you are familiar with the process, you put that information together with your knowledge and understanding of the child for whom (and with whom) you are writing the Story, adjusting the vocabulary, perspective, length, and content to suit the child's comprehension level, interests, and abilities.

As we consider writing Social Stories™, it is wise to remember what Carol Gray says: "Do keep in mind that at least 50% of all the Stories developed for any person should congratulate or applaud current skills/abilities/personality traits/ or concepts that the person does well."

It can also be helpful to share ideas with other parents and professionals. Talk to fellow teachers, call a friend, or e-mail someone to discuss different ideas surrounding a potential Story (as well as other strategies that may be helpful). On this page, we will provide some suggestions to get you started on a variety of topics.

One word of caution: When you are facing a difficult or confusing situation, it is easy to assume that a Social Story™ will "fix" the situation. Remember that there is much that parents and professionals can do to change the environment or expectations in such a way that a Social Story™ may not even be necessary. For more information on the "research" required before writing a Social Story™, we recommend reading Revealing the Hidden Social Code by Marie Howley and Eileen Arnold.

Stories related to War

The Gray Center has received numerous requests for help writing Social StoriesTM related to war. The conflict in Iraq is a topic that is in all the headlines around the world right now. Children see and hear bits of information, and are likely to have questions. Some children are able to express those questions. Others may not be able to voice their questions, but may show signs of distress or concern through a variety of behavior changes.

When writing a Social StoryTM about war, it is difficult to produce a "one size fits all" Story, given that the perspective taken will vary depending on the location of the child (how close is he or she to the actual fighting?), the personal impact of it (does the child know someone who has been deployed--or may be deployed--to fight?), and even the political opinions of the adults in the child's life (does the child hear pro-war or anti-war discussions?).

A helpful place to start may be articles and books written about war. Although they may be specifically geared toward "typical" children, an adult can read these materials with the child with ASD, providing explanations and supplementary information as necessary. These books and articles may also provide information that can be incorporated into a Social StoryTM. Remember that visual aids can be particularly helpful in describing what is happening (although not all visual information--including TV broadcasts--will be helpful for children. Some, due to their graphic or "live" nature, may either be upsetting to a child, or give the impression that the action is much closer than it really is). Watch particularly for information that the child with ASD may interpret too literally, since this can lead to incorrect assumptions or understanding on the part of the child with ASD.

It is likely that children will be looking for reassurances of their own safety. They may also be attempting to make sense of the war images and discussions that surround them. Remember that while attempting to reassure a child of his or her safety, it is impossible to guarantee the safety of the child or his or her loved ones. One way to address these seemingly opposite objectives is to stress the distance of the fighting (if indeed the child is far away from it) using the word "very" several times (see the following Story.) Another way is to explain that we are fighting to work for peace, not for safety or security.

Following is one possible Social StoryTM about war. It can be adapted to suit the nationality of the child, and his or her understanding of what is happening (i.e. a child who is familiar with the armed services may want more specific information about how decisions are being made and who is helping to make them).

Please note that this Story was written when the war first broke out. Please modify it before using it with children to ensure accuracy and timeliness. This is just a SAMPLE of what you can write to deal with a topic such as war.

The War With Iraq

The United States of America is at war with the leaders of Iraq. This means that some soldiers from the United States are fighting against soldiers from Iraq.

Our President, George W. Bush, is working with other adults to make plans and decisions. These plans and decisions will help our soldiers, the people of the United States, and the people of Iraq as we work for peace. It is important to work for peace!

Reporters show us and tell us about the war on television, on the radio, and in newspapers. Here in the United States, people can see pictures and hear stories about the war. But the soldiers are fighting the war in Iraq, which is very, very, very, very far away.

There may be things that I can do to help the soldiers and the people of Iraq. My parents and teachers may be able to help me think of things that I can do to help work for peace!

  • You may want to write additional Stories about the project(s) that you and your child decide to take on to support the troops. You can write Stories defining terms such as peace, humanitarian aid, troops, Coalition, paratroopers, etc. as questions and issues arise.
  • For many children, war represents LOSS. Some children may have a family member or acquaintance involved in the fighting. This results not only in the (hopefully temporary) loss of that person, but a potential loss of routine and loss of a feeling of security and invulnerability. The newest issue of the Jenison Autism Journal (Spring 2003) is very timely in that respect! Another fine example of Carol's practical, easy-to-implement information and suggestions, Gray's Guide to Loss addresses a wide variety of aspects of loss. One book, which is now out of print but may be available in some locations by doing an online search, is Lost and Found: A Kid's Book for Living Through Loss . This book contains information for children about loss (and death).
  • http://www.hon.ch/News/HSN/512355.html.
  • http://www.berkeley.edu/news/media/releases/2003/03/20_routine.shtml
  • http://www.ahealthyme.com/article/hscoutn/103407828
  • http://www.pbs.org/parents/issuesadvice/war/play.html
  • http://jacksonville.bizjournals.com/jacksonville/stories/2003/03/24/daily20.html (this site is particularly helpful for parents and teachers of adolescents).

 

Stories about Puberty

It is certainly possible to write Social StoriesTM for adolescents and young adults. As with any Social StoryTM, it is important to consider the abilities, vocabulary, and interests of the person for whom (or with whom) the Story is being written. An older child is more likely to respond to a Social StoryTM that is written in the third person, rather than the first person (which is used for younger children).

The advent of (or even the anticipation of!) puberty is likely to generate a wide variety of potential Social StoryTM topics. We have received e-mails requesting Stories for everything from relationships (and dating), to self-stimulation, menstruation, and getting and keeping a job.

A Social StoryTM for this age group is likely to be very individualized, taking into account the child's prior knowledge, current level of functioning, parental preferences (especially for topics such as dating and sexuality), and the goals that are to be achieved.

For starters, it may be helpful to consult a book that addresses puberty and ASD, many of which can be found in our bookstore. Understanding how those with ASD experience adolescence and puberty helps us to abandon all assumptions (with regard to reasons for behaviors, current level of understanding regarding a particular topic, the thoughts and feelings that the child is experiencing, etc.). Often the true ISSUE is not what we think it is. Difficult behaviors may be the result of an emerging awareness of being "different," a response to increased sensory stimuli, or a sign that more information (i.e. what is expected and why) is needed.

Willie Wallis (a consultant to students with ASD in West Michigan), shares the following difficulties regarding Social StoriesTM dealing with puberty:
I can think of several reasons why Social StoriesTM about puberty could be difficult. I often see issues with the following:
1. The 'honesty' or 'bluntness' needed. We are not used to having to describe things so concretely, yet this is what our students need.
2. The appropriate use of terms, or explanation of the terms the student is familiar with, and the parents are comfortable with.
3. The writer's experience with writing Social StoriesTM. The more you write, the easier they are. I often write one and set it aside for a while, then reread it. It is amazing how often negatives creep in that we are not aware of unless we set it aside for a while. Read it with a literal eye. Read it with all negatives removed. Does it say what it needs to say?
4. When I am stuck, I start with an outline of what I need to include. Sometimes I really have more than one Social StoryTM and am trying to put too much information into one story. More, shorter stories work much better.

Carol Gray cautions that writing a Social StoryTM to eliminate a "problem behavior" (such as humming) may not lead to the desired result: In general, I would caution anyone trying to "extinguish" a behavior, as something less desirable could replace it! Another general guide: it's important to select priorities, so as not to overwhelm a child with extensive challenges on several fronts. A behavior such as humming may be facilitating a child's attention to task. My general advice is to gather as much objective information as possible, perhaps by charting when the behavior occurs, precipitating events, etc., as well as consulting with the occupational therapist and others on the educational team to better understand the function(s) served by the behavior, and whether it should be addressed and if so, how. Is the humming more prevalent at home, or louder? My tendency in situations where a particular behavior continues to occur is to "stay confused" (get comfortable with confusion, seeing it as an opportunity), and gather information until the solution emerges or becomes more apparent.

Stories about Menstruation

We frequently receive questions at The Gray Center about writing Social StoriesTM appropriate for a young girl who is beginning (or close to beginning) menstruation. We have some excellent resources in our online bookstore which may be helpful. In addition, Carol suggests the following:
"Based on my experience, I have discovered that often our own embarrassment or hesitation in approaching the topic can make it more foreboding than it is in the end! It really does require us to abandon all assumptions, and focus on logic and facts. Actually, there are some aspects that may be quite reassuring to some of our students - an event based on a calendar, etc. The art comes into play in building in expectation for the unexpected - i.e., when a period is irregular, etc.

Depending on the student's reading ability, your Story may take the form of an article - written in more advanced vocabulary and presented in columns, etc. You may wish to use other resources that are available as a guide to the information in your Story (or article). For example, one of the pamphlets available to young ladies about menstruation may provide a nice outline for the topics you will describe using the Social Story guidelines.

Remember, a SET of Stories or articles may be preferable to trying to cover all the important topics in one Story. For example, one Story may describe why periods occur, while another describes HOW to care for them, while another describes accidents and how to prevent or minimize being "surprised" by a period. Basically, the collective set will address the who (young ladies), what, when, and how of female hygiene."

And more from Carol Gray...

 A lot of course depends on the comprehension level of the audience of the Story.  Regardless, it is likely that  a collection of Social Stories, Junior Articles (new), or Social Articles (I'll refer to all of these as Stories from herein) may be needed to meaningfully cover the topic.  Here are some thoughts for you to consider - I see this as basically a set of Stories about growth and logical sequences.

1.  Change and Growth.  Menstruation is one change among many as girls grow.  Begin with a Story or two about growing up - describing some of the growth changes that have occurred withe audience already (adult teeth, new clothes periodically, etc.)

2.  Here's What's Next.  Follow the introductory story with a Story that acknowledges, "Isn't it nice to know what's next?"  Drawing upon the successful growth milestones from the previous Stories, introduce the meaning of the word menstruation, and explain that in terms of growing up - that's one of the things that happens next.

3.  What to Do.  There's some routine to menstruation itself, and routines in the self care skills that go with it.  This Story or Stories will be similar to one about brushing teeth (with some obvious differences, of course!)  A calendar may help to illustrate your Story, teaching use of a calendar to predict cycles (including that at ABOUT such a day a cycle will likely start/stop), and what to do.

 

children3Stories about Personal Space

Understanding personal space is one area of difficulty for many individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). Frequently, this leads to social problems, as they sit or stand too close to someone, touch another person inappropriately, and even react unexpectedly or harshly to an invasion of their own personal space. Parents, teachers, and caregivers note additional difficulties when teaching about personal space, including how to deal with a child's inappropriate touching of his or her own body while in public.

One important concept to teach is "comfortable distance." When helping a child to understand comfortable distance or personal space, it may be helpful to provide visual and concrete examples. One analogy that can be used as a bridge between the abstract concept of "comfortable distance" and its practical application is an inner-tube or "hoola-hoop." An adult can place the circular object around his or her own waist to show the child where the boundaries of personal space lie. Another inner tube placed around the child's waist can provide an opportunity to demonstrate the proper distance to maintain when sitting next to another person, walking through a hallway, or standing to talk. The child can also be taught (and later, prompted) to remember to keep an elbow's distance from other people. Photos can be taken of the child standing an appropriate distance from another person, sitting next to-but not touching-a classmate, etc., which can be referred to later as a visual prompt.

There is a portion of personal space that is more "personal" than the rest. This is often referred to as "private" space. Much of that is body surface that is covered by a bathing suit (for a male, the area between the waist and thighs, and for a female, that area as well as the chest area). Generally, when we think of touching other people, we also consider other areas to be "off limits", including the face and neck, while other areas, namely the arm, the back, the hand, and the top of the head (especially if you are a child!), are usually the first to be touched when someone's personal space is purposefully "invaded."

Teaching the concept of personal space is complicated by the fact that most people adjust their own perceptions of personal space-and acceptable touch-- depending on their location and the people with whom they are interacting, or their "social context." For example, they may accept a smaller personal space and more invasions of that space on a crowded sidewalk or while sharing an armrest with a stranger in a movie theater, or snuggling with a loved one, bumping up against teammates, etc. If a child has difficulty understanding or anticipating times or situations when less personal space or more intimate touch is indicated, he or she can be taught to ask permission to enter another person's space. For example, the child may ask, "May I sit here by you?" or even, "May I give you a hug?" However, the fact remains that many of the "invasions" of their own personal space will be unexpected, coming without warning. (For children, these episodes tend to happen more frequently, due to both the unpredictability-and high activity level-- of children, as well as the tendency of adults to touch children-tapping them on the head, ruffling their hair, putting an arm around them, etc.) Instead, children with ASD need to be prepared to "expect the unexpected" and how to respond effectively.

Using trade books, pictures in magazines, or other visual examples, a child can be guided to understand different types of touch. Depending on the understanding of the child, assistance can range from, "Show me two people who are holding hands," (identifying different types of touch) to, "Why do you think they are holding hands?" (helping to understand why and when exceptions to unwritten personal space "rules" are acceptable).

Besides using concrete visual examples to teach the concept of personal space, many children will benefit from Carol Gray's Social Stories(TM), which help to provide the "missing pieces of the puzzle," as they struggle to understand how and when they should touch - or avoid touching-other people. For example, a Social Story could describe how the inner tubes help some children learn about personal space, and how we try to imagine that amount of space to decide where to sit or stand so everyone feels comfortable. Some Story examples related to personal space can be found below. Remember that these Social Stories may need to be adapted to suit the abilities and age of the child, as well as the cultural or familial attitudes that apply to that child. A Comic Strip Conversation could also show a child what others may think or feel when someone stands too close, in contrast to when someone stands at a comfortable distance.

In addition, some children may be struggling with the concept of personal space because of problems with sensory integration. Sensory integration dysfunction occurs when the senses are not working together to process sensory input (including touch, sight, smells, and sounds), and the child's brain does not integrate all of the information to properly decode and respond to it. A light tap or brush against the child's arm may be perceived as a hard hit, and the child may respond accordingly. A lack of awareness of where his or her own body begins and ends (a common problem for those with sensory integration dysfunction) can cause a child to bump into others or to step on their toes, and similar difficulties may lead the child to use excessive force when the intent was only to give a friendly pat on someone's arm. An occupational therapist can help to determine whether this is an issue for a particular child, and through a sensory diet and sensory integration therapy, can help the child to better process sensory input.

Of course, the child with ASD is only one half of the "personal space equation." Parents, teachers, and caregivers can help to protect the personal space of the child with ASD. It may be helpful to ensure that classmates do not sit so close to the child that unnecessary "bumps" are going to occur. The child can be allowed to stand at the back of the line, where the only personal space she needs to be concerned about lies directly in front of her (or if the child cannot handle being in the back, he or she can be placed alongside a line of children while they are learning about personal space and developing strategies to adapt effectively to more or less personal space).

Parents and professionals can also model their own corrections of personal space "errors" by verbalizing, "Oops! I'm getting a little too close to all of you"...and then, after moving away slightly, "There, this is more comfortable for me, and you, too, I'll bet!"

Classmates, too, can learn to respect the personal space of others, including their peer with ASD. One helpful resource is Carol Gray's Sixth Sense II, a lesson plan for helping children understand those who struggle with understanding the thoughts and actions of others.

As with most concepts, it is important to approach "Personal Space" through a variety of ways, helping the child with ASD to understand a complicated social phenomenon that many people take for granted.

 

What is "Personal Space?"

I have an area around my body that is called my "personal space." This space is like an invisible bubble. Sometimes my personal space is large. When it is large, my personal space goes out to my fingertips. When my personal space is large, other people stay outside of it. When my personal space is large, I do not touch other people, and they do not touch me. This helps all of us to feel comfortable.

Sometimes my personal space is small. When my personal space is small, it is about the same size as my body. When my personal space is small, I might touch other people, and they might touch me.

Who has "Personal Space?"

Every person has personal space. I have personal space. My mom has personal space. My dad has personal space. My teacher has personal space. [Can add more examples as necessary].

Why is Personal Space sometimes large, and sometimes small?

Sometimes I can choose how large my personal space will be.

If I am with a person I don't know very well, I might choose to have a large personal space. This leaves a comfortable distance between the other person and me. If I feel like being alone, I might choose to have a large personal space. If there are a lot of noises or activities around me, I might choose to have a large personal space. When I have a large personal space, I can talk to other people or sit near them, but I will not touch them, and they will not touch me.

Sometimes I can choose how small my personal space will be.

If I am with a person who I know well, or who is special to me, I might choose to have a small personal space. When I know a person well, a small personal space is a comfortable distance. When I have a small personal space, I can sit near other people and have part of my body touching part of their body.

Sometimes I cannot choose how large my personal space will be. Sometimes I cannot choose how small my personal space will be. When I have to sit on a chair that is very close to another person's chair, I will probably have a small personal space. When I walk through a crowded hallway or on a busy sidewalk, I will probably have a small personal space.

When I cannot choose the size of my personal space, I might have people touch me when I do not want them to touch me. People might also touch me when I am not expecting them to touch me.

When I cannot choose a large personal space, I will try to stay calm. I can tell someone, "I need more personal space." If they can help me, they might give me more personal space. If they cannot help me, I can wait awhile. Usually, after waiting awhile I will be able to choose a larger personal space.

What are my "Private Body Parts?"

Some of my personal space is private. There are private parts of my body that only a few people may see or touch. My private body parts are covered by a bathing suit when I go swimming. Most of my private body parts are between my neck and my knees.

There are only a few people who may see or touch my private body parts. Once in awhile, these people may need to see or touch these private body parts in order to help me or keep me healthy. My doctor may need to see or touch my private body parts. My mom or dad may need to see or touch my private body parts. This is okay.

People should look at or touch private body parts only when they are in private places. Sometimes I may need to see or touch my private body parts. I should see or touch my private body parts only when I am in a private place. A private place is a room where not many other people are around. My bedroom is a private place. My bathroom is a private place.

Some places are public. Public places are outside my home. Often, many people gather in public places. My classroom is not a private place-it is a public place because there may be other people around. My playground is not a private place. It is also a public place.

When my doctor needs to see or touch my private body parts, I will probably be in a private doctor's office. If my mom or dad needs to see or touch my private spaces, we will probably be in a bathroom or some other private place.

Who has "Private Body Parts?"

Every person has private body parts. I have private parts of my body. My mom has private parts of her body. My dad has private parts of his body. My teacher has private parts of his/her body. [Can add more examples as necessary].

Other people's private body parts are the areas that would be covered by their bathing suit. Usually a person's private body parts are the area between their neck and their knees.

I may need to see or touch the private parts of my body. If I need to see or touch my private body parts, it is important to go to a private place first.

I will probably not need to see or touch other people's private body parts. I will try to be careful, and keep my hands away from the private parts of other people's bodies.

Is a face a private body part?

People can see my face. I may or may not like to have other people touch my face. But many people do not like to have other people touch their face. It can make a person feel uncomfortable. In that way, another person's face is a private part of their body. I will try not to touch other people on their face. If I need to touch someone's face, I can ask, "May I touch your face?"

Usually, it is important to keep my fingers away from my nose or mouth when I am in a public place. This helps to keep everyone around me comfortable. In that way, my face is a private part of my body. If I need to touch my nose, it's okay to touch it quickly, then put my hand down. If I have a drippy nose, it's okay to blow it quickly and quietly with a tissue. If I have something stuck in my teeth, I can quickly and quietly try to get it out. If I need to touch my face, or something on my face, more than that, I will try to go to a private place first. Once I am in a private place, it is okay to touch my nose and mouth.

  • Additional Social StoriesTM might focus on different types of touch (shaking hands with adults, hugging, kissing, giving a "high-five," etc.), including how the touch is conducted, and when it is appropriate. It is important to emphasize social context and relationships when providing guidelines for different types of touch. The child can be guided to see when and where different types of touch can be anticipated (for example, shaking an adult's hand when being introduced, giving a high-five to a classmate after a basketball game, or giving a hug or kiss when seeing someone special after a long separation), as well as how to respond when they receive unexpected touch. As always, watch for areas where the child might interpret the information too literally, and do not make promises that you cannot keep.

 

Carol Gray has also added the following points:
A Social StoryTM addressing personal space might contain these concepts, perhaps addressed in a series of Stories:
1) Most children feel comfortable about one arm's length away from one another, especially when playing on a playground. There may be some exceptions to this, but most of the time, the rule of staying about one arm's length away' applies.
2) It's important for children to be comfortable when playing with one another.
3) Adults know about how to play with children, because adults are children - who grew up. Listening to ideas grown-ups have about playing with others is an intelligent thing to do, because adults learned about playing with children when they were younger.
4) Arranging/structuring initial play activities with new friends (play dates, etc.) to include activities that by their nature dictate personal space may be helpful, for example, board games, air hockey, or watching a video in two comfortable chairs, etc. This, then, can be supplemented with a Social StoryTM ahead of time, that reminds the child that it's important to listen to adults and follow the rules of comfortable space when playing with others.

Finally, remember that personal space is a social concept that is likely to take some time to learn. After all, we have all taken most of our lives to learn the ins and outs of even the simplest social concepts, like sharing and reciprocity. Give him room to learn, and the benefit of your patient guidance. The book, The Friendship Factor by Kenneth Rubin may give you some ideas.

schoolSocial Stories about Moving or Starting a New School

Children with ASD generally cling to routine and familiarity. They are comforted by schedules, people, and environments that stay the same day after day. When a change such as moving or transferring to another school is anticipated, parents and professionals are often at a loss as to how to prepare the child with ASD.

There are a few points that I believe are important when dealing with this issue. First, as with all Social StoriesTM, it is imperative that you closely consider the vocabulary used. Since change can be so discomforting for the child with ASD, it is generally best to use a word such as "another" rather than "new" or "different," and the verbs "move" or "transfer" rather than "change." These tend to have more positive (and less drastic) connotations.

Remember, also, that children with ASD tend to interpret things--both those that are said/written, as well as those that are left unsaid--very literally. I am reminded of a very young child who was told that he was getting a new house. His parents eagerly told him all about his new room, new yard, new neighbors, etc. They couldn't figure out why he didn't seem very excited about this. Finally, one day this little boy walked up to his mom and said, "I sure am going to miss you and Dad!" With all of the emphasis on upcoming changes, these parents had neglected to point out those things that would stay the same! (Incidentally, this young boy is not on the autism spectrum, which reinforces the importance of watching for literal interpretation with any child, not just those with ASD.)

Visual supports can be very helpful for assisting with this topic. If you have pictures of both your current house and the one you are moving to (or current and upcoming school), help the child to write a Story about both locations. You can even keep a journal with your child, noting the progress (through words and pictures) as you move through the transition. Along the way, you both can continue to add to lists of "things that are the same" and "things that are not the same." The more information you can provide the child (who, what, where, when, how...), the better he or she will be able to handle the transition.

Finally, we all know that although a change in location and routine may contain some element of excitement, there is also the unavoidable (and often overwhelming) element of loss. Carol Gray has addressed this issue in the Jenison Autism Journal (Spring 2003) in Gray's Guide to Loss, Learning, and Children with ASD. In it, she provides helpful information about "typical" responses to loss, as well as the responses that children with ASD may exhibit. She also provides many practical suggestions for parents and professionals helping children with ASD to move through (and learn from) losses, whether they are day-to-day losses of possessions, control, friendships, etc., or a more significant loss encountered through a major move or change, or even the death of a loved one.

*The Summer 2005 issue of The Social Stories(TM) Quarterly dealt with the issue of transitions as they relate to school.

 

When a Child Wants to be First

This can be a difficult topic to address, since "being first" is not normally something that the child can control or even choose. Carol Gray offers the following suggestions for a child who always wants to be first:
1) A Social StoryTM describing some of those events where being "first" is a daily issue for the child: arriving on the bus, etc.; where who is "first" is random, not decided by anyone.

2) A Social StoryTM describing those situations where the teacher decides who is first. If this is on a chart somewhere (standing in line), refer to the chart, even use photos of the chart in the Story, emphasizing that because many children want to be first (maybe an illustration of children standing in a line, with little thought symbols on those not first that say, "I wish I could have been first today", "Next time maybe I will be first", "I can look at the chart to see when I will be first again". These illustrate the thoughts that typical children use to regulate their emotions - their "self talk" that keeps feelings from running amuck.

 

Social Stories about Masturbation or inappropriate touching of privates

 

Several of you had recently asked questions about masturbation or some other form of inappropriate touching in public. My family's pediatrician had recommended that we remind a child to do that in the privacy of the bedroom, but not to teach the child that it's "naughty." Here are some additional suggestions from Carol Gray:

1. I would think the behavior would have to be given a 'name' or title and defined in concrete terms so that it can be referred to quickly in a Social Story... maybe 'my private (holding/pressing) activity'? I'd use the word 'masturbation', but I am afraid it would come out in the wrong time and place. Another important concept: We each have a responsibility for the comfort of others. That is why we try to use our words when angry, or offer to help others. People try to say and do things that keep others comfortable, because it is kind and polite. Sometimes people may forget to try to keep others comfortable. This, of course, is a mistake.

2. There are things we do in 'private places'. In the home and at school, a bathroom is a private place. At home, the bedroom is also a private place.

3. We use toilets in the bathroom. That's because using the toilet is done in a private place.

4. We undress in a private place. It's ok to undress in a private place. That way, everyone feels comfortable.

*Laurel Falvo works in collaboration with Carol Gray and The Gray Center for Social Learning and Understanding to conduct Social StoriesTM trainings and workshops. Contact This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it if you are interested in having Laurel or another member of "Team Social StoriesTM " speak for your conference or other training.