Social Response Pyramid™
The Social Response Pyramid™ is an educational tool developed by Laurel Falvo (formerly known as Laurel Hoekman). It is a visual representation of social understanding and social effectiveness--how we can better understand ourselves and others (including those with ASD) in order to develop and utilize strategies to increase the effectiveness of our responses. It can be used by anyone and for anyone! See below for additional information about the Pyramid. (Please cite this source when using this material!)
To invite Laurel Falvo to speak to your group or organization, click here. She is available to present on a variety of topics. More information about her presentations is available by clicking here.
You can now view sample video clips of Laurel using The Social Response Pyramid(TM) on YouTube!
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To better understand The Social Response Pyramid, you can do the following:
1. Purchase the DVD of Laurel's introductory presentation on the Social Response Pyramid™ or her Instructional KIT, which contains pieces and training to enable you to use the Pyramid yourself.. (or This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it to inquire about a training for your district, conference, or other group). You can also purchase a more in-depth and up-to-date workshop DVD, Bridging the Gap, by clicking here.
2. Read the SUN News articles Laurel has written about this topic. They can be found at graycenter.wordpress.com. (To receive these articles each week by email, sign up for our newsletter. (Below are some of the SUN News articles which pertain to the Pyramid). (You can subscribe to this weekly email article on our home page at www.thegraycenter.org. Back issues can be read on our blog at http://graycenter.wordpress.com).
The following articles, written by Laurel Falvo, were featured in previous issues of her weekly email article, the SUN News. (You can subscribe to this resource on our home page at www.thegraycenter.org.)
The Social Response Pyramid(TM)
Have you ever considered why it is that immediate family members can experience the same situation, yet have different thoughts, perspectives, and feelings about it, and respond to it in different waysω In fact, each of us approaches life deeply rooted in our own "immediate individual context," or our "own reality." This reality is shaped by our past experiences (and how we feel about them), our current state of mind (emotions, etc.), our opinions and expectations, our knowledge and functioning level (including the presence of a diagnosis such as autism), and our ability to integrate the sensory information around us. Our approach can vary from day to day (or minute to minute), as our experiences and perspectives change, as we learn new things, and as our feelings fluctuate. This starting point is highly individualized, making each one of us unique from everyone else around us, even our own family members.
As we face a variety of input in life, whether it's something someone says or does, or a sensory stimulus, or a memory or situation which prompts a memory, we filter that input through our own reality, or context, before producing a response. Often, our responses are immediate--almost "knee-jerk responses" to the input. A classmate, family member, or colleague says something that makes us angry, and we respond with a passionate retort. We hear a loud noise and cover our ears or move away from the sound. We may approach a decision or situation the same way we did in the past, whether or not our response works, simply because it's familiar.
The problem is that our responses generally take place within a "social context." We rarely are in complete isolation as we respond to input. And our immediate responses often are inconsistent with the expectations of the given social context (or the contexts of those around us). For example, an angry retort will not be as appropriate or effective in the middle of a classroom lecture. An offending noise cannot make us bolt from the room if we find ourselves in the middle of a reverent worship service or other solemn ceremony. And doing something the same way we've done it before isn't effective if someone is trying to teach us a new way of doing the task, if the result of our response is that someone is hurt, either physically or emotionally, or if it simply does not work.
Yes, we approach life--and respond to it-- from our own unique individual context. However, each of us generally operates within a social context. So our responses need to be more than "knee-jerk" responses. Instead, they need to be socially effective! This necessitates a more deliberate response; one that takes into account our own perspective as well as that of the social context, or the contexts of those around us. In other words, we have choices as to how we will respond to life's situations, and we are able to have some control over the effectiveness of our responses, and ultimately, our success in life! (Next week I'll write about affirming positive choices in those around us).
This is the basis of The Social Response Pyramid(TM) that I've developed. In subsequent issues of SUN News [keep reading!], I'll further detail this educational tool, which is intended to help us better understand ourselves and others to aid in promoting social understanding.
Affirming Positive Choices and Effective Responses
We know from years of psychological research, as well as experience, that positive reinforcement brings about greater success than negative reinforcement. However, in practice, many of us find ourselves dishing out plenty of negative reinforcement! We chide or discipline our children for not picking up their toys, for not completing chores on time, and for not using proper mealtime manners. We put a student in the corner of the room (or send him or her down to the school office) for habitually talking out of turn, irritating peers, or not completing assignments. We nag our spouses (or ourselves!) for not being social enough, for not helping out enough around the house, or for spending money inappropriately. Sound familiar? Sometimes our negative responses to those around us appear to be our only choice, or seem to require less effort than re-thinking the problem and searching for a new or more creative solution.
Last week I began describing the Social Response Pyramid(TM) that I've developed. The bottom third of the pyramid is "MY CONTEXT" or "my reality." Each of us approaches life deeply rooted in our own experiences, thoughts, feelings, opinions, expectations, and level of functioning. The "easy" path from input, through our own immediate individual context, to our responses is immediate, and often without thought. However, in order to be socially effective, we need to be more deliberate in our responses. That's where the middle third of the Pyramid becomes highly significant: STRATEGIZING. It is in this area that we remember that we have CHOICES!
We make choices every day. Admittedly, some lead to more effective responses than others. How do we encourage ourselves and others to choose effective responses more frequently? By reinforcing them!
- "Catch" yourself and others making positive choices that lead to effective responses, and be sure to affirm them. Here are some examples:
- "That was an intelligent choice you made! You will have more money next time we go shopping because you've chosen to save your money today." I've said this recently to my children when they decide not to purchase an item in the store, either because they don't have enough money (and would need to borrow some from me), or because they recognize that they don't need the item or it isn't good quality. (And don't we all like to have our intelligence affirmed?)
- "What a healthy choice! You'll have more energy for your activities this afternoon." When my children choose to snack on pretzels, nuts, fruit, or vegetables instead of cookies or chips, I affirm them for making choices that help keep their bodies healthy and give them energy.
- "Sharing your toy with your sister is a very friendly thing to do" affirms a decision to share, and points out that sharing is a great way to make friends.
Here are some more examples:
- "Thank you for setting the table. I like it when you choose to be helpful. Now we'll be able to eat soon!"
- "I'm so glad you held my hand while we crossed the street. That was a safe choice. When we hold hands, I can help you stay safe as we walk in front of the waiting cars."
- "I'm impressed that you came back to tell me you're sorry. Making an apology is a respectful choice; it shows that you care about me and the fact that I was hurt by what you did."
You see, throughout each and every day, we make many choices. Those choices lead to our responses. Some responses are effective, and others are not so effective (and some are downright disastrous). When we affirm positive choices and effective responses in the way I've detailed above, we not only reinforce them, but we also provide valuable information about WHY the responses worked--a particularly helpful aspect for those with autism spectrum disorders (ASD) who don't always make those connections themselves.
We can choose to affirm positive choices and effective responses that we observe in ourselves and others. That's one of the strategies available to us in our "toolbox" portion of the Social Response Pyramid(TM) known as "STRATEGIZING" or "choosing a response." There are numerous other strategies available to ourselves and others, including Social Stories(TM), Social Behavior Mapping(TM), "The Incredible 5-Point Scale(TM)," sensory integration, visual supports (lists, calendars, pictures, etc.), asking for help, and more!
Gauging the Effectiveness of our Responses
When my children were little, I used to wish--sometimes only half-jokingly--that I had a giant rubber room to put them in for short periods of time. Whether they were running and jumping around when I was trying to work, or having meltdowns because they were tired or frustrated, or were enjoying a favorite "perseverative" pursuit, I recognized that in isolation, their responses were perfectly authentic and effective. By "authentic," I mean that their responses arose from their unique immediate individual context, and were valid expressions of where they were in life at that immediate point in time. Their responses were "effective" for them because they met their needs at that given moment. A giant rubber room would give them time and a place for those authentic responses.
The problem was, their responses didn't work for me! Their social context included me, and their immediate responses were causing problems for me. They were either disrupting my tasks, or frustrating my need to enjoy a few quiet moments, or causing embarrassment for me because I was aware of the negative responses of others who were also part of our social context. In other words, at those times my children's authentic responses were not socially effective!
I believe this is the core issue with individuals with autism spectrum disorders (ASD). The characteristic responses generally associated with this diagnosis (differences, deviations, or delays in language and communication, imagination or restricted interests, and social interaction) are not generally a problem--for them or for anyone else--when they are alone. Perhaps this is why many seem to prefer isolation! It's when they are placed in a social context (i.e. a restaurant, classroom, crowded hallway, around the dinner table, or on the playground) surrounded by the opinions and expectations of others, that their authentic responses struggle or cease to be effective.
And it's not just those with ASD who struggle to produce socially effective responses! A few weeks ago I was shopping with my two younger children. I was tired, and noticeably crabby. Finally my son said, "Mom, don't take this the wrong way, but I can tell you didn't take a nap!" In other words, I may have been responding to life in a way that accommodated my raw nerves and tired senses, but my responses weren't working for my kids!
Complete, sustained isolation is rarely possible or desirable. How, then, do we help ourselves and others to determine whether our responses are socially effectiveω
First, after choosing and enacting a response, we gauge the effectiveness of the response for ourselves. In other words, we go back to "MY CONTEXT" (the starting point of the Social Response Pyramid(TM)) to see how it has changed. How am I feeling about what I did or saidω What have I learnedω Did my response work for meω But we can't stop there! We cannot underestimate the importance of the social context, and of the thoughts, feelings, and responses of those around us; for it is the social context that will determine the effectiveness of our responses.
Usually, like my son did for me at the mall, other people can readily tell us whether or not our responses were socially effective. But we all need to learn to gauge the effectiveness of our responses by using the following strategies:
1. Reading nonverbal cues. Are people frowning as though they disagree with what you just saidω Are they looking at their watches because they are hoping to finish this discussion soonω (This may be difficult for some people to determine, especially those with ASD. They may need to be encouraged to rely on the next two strategies).
2. Listening to the responses of others. People may be telling us to be more quiet (our response was too loud), or to listen more carefully (our responses might not have fit with their expectations, leading them to assume we misunderstood their instructions or weren't listening), or to stop something we're doing (our response is a hindrance to them in some way).
3. Asking for feedback from others. Sometimes we simply aren't sure whether or not our responses worked for those around us. That's when we can say, "Did I hurt you when I did that?" or "I realize that might not have made sense. Would you like me to rephrase what I just said?" or even, "Did you hear me? Can you tell me what I just said?"
Every time we gauge the effectiveness of our responses, we add to the knowledge and experience that forms the basis of our own immediate individual context. That means that hopefully next time, we will be more likely to make choices that lead to effective responses.
Many of you have asked to see a visual representation of the Social Response Pyramid(TM). I have a pdf download available (see above) that shows the basics, as well as a DVD of a presentation I gave during the summer of 2007. Many of the resources available through The Gray Center help with a variety of aspects of social understanding and autism. You can find them on this site.
Best wishes as you continue to work to promote social understanding!
Appropriate Behavior
Are you often appalled by the "inappropriate behavior" that you witness in school, at home, or out in the communityω Do you struggle to teach others how to "behave appropriately?"
I believe that the vocabulary we use to make sense of our social environment affects both our understanding of people and situations, as well as the way we respond to them. That's why I make a point to learn about the meanings of words--both as defined in a dictionary, as well as contrived through everyday use.
The two words contained in the title of today's article are prime examples of this. Let's start with "behavior." Many dictionary definitions focus on the end result when they define behavior. They employ terms such as, "observable activity, demeanor, manner," etc. I think that our common usage of the word "behavior" is generally consistent with these ideas. We tend to view others' actions as isolated, visible activities. If we assign any hint of prior action to it, we typically assign a choice. In other words, we often believe that people "choose" to "behave" a certain way. Of course, we're more likely to do this with negative behaviors than positive ones, especially with a person who frequently "misbehaves!" The most insightful information I found was from the American Heritage Dictionary, which stated, after giving synonyms for behavior, "These nouns all pertain to a person's actions as they constitute a means of evaluation by others." Note that "behavior" as defined in this way, depends very much on the person doing the observing!
The word "appropriate" has a similar twist to it. A common definition for this word contains something like this, "suitable for a particular person or place or condition etc;" Who determines what's appropriate for a given situationω The implication is that others determine that!
Both words in the title of this article, "Appropriate Behavior," empower the audience, or "others," and remove control of the situation from those doing the acting. I believe there's a better alternative!
Buried in some of the definitions of "behavior" is the word, "reaction." What this implies is that there's an antecedent for the behavior; that the observable action is in response to something else. In fact, whether or not an action was based on a conscious choice, a "behavior" is usually a response to input. That's why I prefer to use the term "response" as opposed to "behavior," since it reminds us that there's a lot going on under the surface prior to the "tip of the iceberg" end result that we're able to observe.
And since the word, "appropriate" can leave the judgment of others' actions completely in the eyes of the beholder, I prefer the term, "effective." A response either works, or it doesn't, or in the words of the dictionary, "effective" means, "adequate to accomplish a purpose." Effective responses lead us toward a goal, whether the goal is getting a job done or interacting successfully with others.
Look how a change in our vocabulary can positively affect the way we interact with others! If Tom refuses to raise his hand in class and frequently interrupts, in spite of frequent admonitions from the teacher, recognizing his actions as a "response" leads us to question what information he might be missing about classroom expectations (and the purpose for those), as well as the effect that his actions has on others. We can also help him to understand how raising his hand to ask a question (or to provide an answer to the teacher's question) helps him to be more "socially effective," along with the teacher and the other students in the class. Raising his hand is both a strategy and a response as defined by my "Social Response Pyramid(TM)." Tom's overall goal is to be socially effective, but in this case, it is more narrowly defined as either getting necessary information, or giving relevant information. His raising his hand "works" (or is effective) in this particular environment given the other people in the room and their expectations for him and the others in that context.
Rather than bemoaning Tom's "inappropriate behavior" of interrupting throughout the instructional time, we can instead help him to generate a "socially effective response"--one that empowers him as an active participant in the success of everyone in the social context of his classroom.
We are all capable of producing ineffective responses, whether or not they are related to conscious choices. And all of us have done things that could be described as "inappropriate behavior"--if you don't believe, me, ask your parents (or your children)! In fact, I'll write more about that next week! Yet I think it's much more helpful in our work of promoting social understanding to focus on "effective responses" rather than "appropriate behaviors." I hope you agree! (Feel free to comment on this article at graycenter.wordpress.com. Whether you agree or disagree, your comments and insights are always welcome!
© 2007 Laurel A. Hoekman/ Laurel A. Falvo
