The following article was originally written by Laurel Falvo in 2006, and published in The Grand Rapids Press.

My three-year-old daughter loves to teeter-totter with her older brothers. However, she is at a real disadvantage in that activity because she weighs dozens of pounds less than they do. Left to her own resources, she would spend the entire time in the air while they sat on the ground- definitely a dull prospect for both of the participants!

Rather than fault her for being too light, I step in and provide modifications to enhance her success. Giving a push on her side of the teeter-totter drops her to the ground, and releasing her brings squeals of delight as she rises up high into the air again.

A social interaction is much like a teeter-totter. It takes two or more participants to engage in a social interaction, and both-or all-need to be working hard, paying attention, and making necessary adjustments to ensure the success of the interaction.

Much of what society views as “success” (graduation, completion of a task, a promotion, winning an award, owning a home, or going up and down on a teeter-totter) is based on-or is achieved only through-an ability to be successful in social interactions.

Like my daughter’s struggle to teeter-totter with brothers who weigh more than twice as much as she does, a large percentage of the population struggles to be successful in social interactions. In fact, one in 150-300 people is diagnosed with an autism spectrum disorder (ASD). Due to the nature of this diagnosis, most of them find that their greatest hurdle in life is interacting successfully with other people.

As a spectrum disorder, autism affects people in a variety of ways, with abilities ranging from below average to above average or even “savant” level, and difficulties ranging from mild to severe.

Each person with ASD is first and foremost an individual: a unique personality with his or her own preferences, ideas, and feelings. However, each person with ASD receives a diagnosis on the autism spectrum based on certain classic characteristics. Differences, delays, or disabilities can be seen in three main areas: social, language/communication, and imagination/restricted interests.

Most of the classic characteristics of ASD have social implications that can affect a person’s ability to interact successfully with others. For this reason, ASD is often referred to as a social disability. Therefore, large numbers of individuals diagnosed with ASD, whether high-functioning or more severely challenged, struggle on the playground and in the classroom, in the grocery store and movie theater, at home and in the workplace, as well as other areas of the social arena.

While people with ASD appear to sit alone at the top of the social teeter-totter, the blame for their lack of success or frequent struggles does not lie solely with them. People on the “other end of the teeter-totter” can do much to promote social success for all participants in an interaction, even those with ASD.

First, an understanding of the disorder helps to explain the differences inherent when interacting with a person with ASD. There are valid reasons for a lack of eye contact, seemingly “odd” body movements or facial expressions, miscommunication based on a lack of understanding or a misinterpretation of language (spoken and implied), and extreme sensitivity to touch, sounds, or sights.

Second, understanding the roles of the participants in an interaction helps to balance the social teeter-totter. Sometimes one or more of the participants in a social interaction are missing information—about each other, about the social environment, or about the expectations of others. Tools such as Social Stories™ and Social Articles™ are available to provide that missing information to ensure the success of the interaction. Sometimes the environment is not conducive to success. A quieter or less-busy place may lead to greater productivity. Other times, the expectations are not realistic and can be adjusted for a better outcome.

 I am thankful for the opportunity to work with and on behalf of individuals with ASD by speaking, writing, leading support groups, and helping to manage The Gray Center, a local nonprofit devoted to promoting social understanding between individuals with ASD and those who interact with them.

Autism is more than a diagnosis. People with ASD are children, siblings, students, college students, grandchildren, parents, grandparents, and friends. They may be professors, scientists, bus drivers, or newspaper carriers. They connect with us at home, school, or in various places in the community, including our workplaces. They have much to offer us, beginning with their unique- and often refreshing- perspective on life.

We can play an important role in promoting social understanding as we work to balance the social teeter-totter with individuals with ASD. Rather than dwelling on their differences or difficulties and watching them squirm, adults and peers, family members, friends, and colleagues are capable of stepping in and giving explanations, accepting differences, or making modifications to ensure their success. Approached in this balanced manner, social interactions are much more enjoyable—and successful- for everyone!

© 2006 Laurel A. Hoekman